Numb

Have you ever felt weak? That lifting your arm was too hard? You don’t want to move, but don’t know why? You know that you can do something, that you have no reason to not be able to. But you just… can’t. Do you ever feel like your body is storing up all your strength, but won’t let you use any right now? That you have the power but not the energy? You hoard your energy under lock and key, leaving you breathless with lungs full of air. The world spins around you and without you and you seem to be somewhere else. Your mind is like a castle, with walls and a citadel. But no longer are your gates open, your consciousness pushing the boundaries. No longer are you hiding behind your walls, locked in your citadel or manning the cannons. No, instead you seem to be absent from it all. A birds’ eye view of your castle, saying “That should be me,” “That’s how I’m supposed to be.” You may be with those around you, but you aren’t with them. You feel guilty because people start to worry. You put on a mask of your old face. You create a paper castle while wind whistles through your real one. But the paper never lasts, nor does your mask. Have your ever tried to drag yourself back to yourself? But no matter how far you go, it always turns out to be another mirage.

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